I want to just say...

I know this is totally mean, and out of line since I don't have children, but...

I am a user of Facebook. Not one of those users that checks facebook every hour to update a status (like anyone cares) or to stalk people from my past, but just one of those users that likes to use it to keep up with people, share pics, and ok- sometimes make fun of people.

The point is, that when I log on to view a message from my 4th grade friend, or see the pics of last weekends party, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF YOUR CHILD DROOLING ON SANTA. Remember when Facebook was used to link people from different colleges and break the ice with someone in one of your classes? I feel like no one even puts pictures of themselves any more- only of their 6 month olds. WTF? This must be a clue that I'm getting too old...

Wooot Wooooooot!

We have a real CHRISTMAS TREE!!!! With branches and everything. And white lights with most fabulous ornaments. I am super exiiiited!!!! Luckily it fits into our apartment that is the size of a large closet.

The best part is while a couple of us were decorating, one roommate accidentally came upon a website that solicits people who want to cheat on their spouses. Like a dating websites for those who purposely commit adultery and want to show off the size of their penises online......... Riiight.

Merry Christmas America

R train

I'd just like to give a shoutout to the guy who always drives the R train on my way home from work. He sounds exactly like the lobster/octopus doctor from Futurama. It is actually amazing and I love when he says: "Nex shtop, twennnnty thirrrrd shtreet."

Nelsie

Friday night, I had promised to attend a party with a friend in Fort Washington. First off- I have no clue where Fort Washington is, so I'm like "Of course I'll go!" I soon learned that Fort Washington is way out to hell and around the corner from nowhere. Three more girls in tow, we all head out and decide that taking the subway is much too perilous and that we definitely need to squeeze all 5 of us into a cab.

The cab driver is hesitant, of course, because having that many people is illegal. But we all push our breasts up a little higher and he agrees. Some of us are already pretty drunk, and we are all pretty loud. Nelson, the driver, looks like he wants to change his mind and throw us out. So I begin asking him where he's from, and then we all try to guess. Finally we find that he is from Brazil and immediately demand that he teach us Portugese. This goes really well, because between the drunkness and the loudness we all end up yelling random nonsensical syllables and Nelson is just laughing. He is glad he picked us up now- at least we are amusing.

This is the longest and most expensive cab ride ever, and every time we see a cop, I have to bend in half so it looks like there are only 3 people in the back seat. By the time we reach upper west Nelson is hearing all about African American genitalia. When he drops us off, we all record his number in our phones, and he is dead set on coming back to pick us up when we are ready to leave. Its going to be a great night...

Oh the perils

At some point several weeks ago I decided to remove my uneccessarily large air conditioner from my window and leave it outside on the balcony (bad idea). And then one day when it looked as if it might rain, instead of bringing the air conditioner in, i decided to cover it up with a large garbage bag (even worse idea).

So yesterday I decided to take some initiative and work this out. At the Astor Place KMart, I purchase bed risers (my bed needs to be taller in order to keep my giant suitcases tucked away out of sight) and a large Rubbermaid container (that i measured to make sure my air conditioner would fit inside). I carry my treasures home and immediately get to work.

I pick up each corner of my bed individually and hoist it up onto these blocks. Perfect. Push my bed back towards the wall where it lives, bed falls off of all risers.... OK, try again. Hoist up corners; ease bed towards the wall, bed falls off of risers... After a couple more rounds of this game, my bed is finally in place with suitcases underneath. And my arms are getting quite tired.

Next, pulling the air conditioner from the balcony to the rubbermaid container. Move the container next to the door to the balcony; slide air conditioner to doorway; lift air conditioner over the step; shove into Rubbermaid container... shove in to Rubbermaid container... Shove in...SHOVE! mother EFF!!! Not even close to fitting! And with all of my measurements!!!

So, in case you come over, this is the story of why I have 85% of an industrial size airconditioner sticking out of a Rubbermaid tub in my room. And why I have a battered-spouse size bruise on my right thigh. Just so you know.

Remember....

E: Do I look fat today? I'm disgusting. I feel so overweight.

Me: Hell no, your pants are too big dude. You are skinny! You're like a Holocaust victim.

E: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.....

Let's Talk About

It's really too bad that I am now 25 and still don't have my life together. While I may have a great job, friends to tolerate me, and a fantastic apartment... I cannot afford my life! God, why does rent have to be so expensive!? And why am I perpetually struggling to pay it!? Can someone just step up and take care of that for me already? Honestly.

One of my roommates is now deciding to leave NY because its just too damn much. I am so discouraged and sad that I am now going to lose a friend in the city just because of the economy... Give me a freaking break. So, me and vodka will sit here watching our $120 cable and feel sorry for ourselves.

It's a good thing I have lots of things planned this week to keep the mind off of finances. And get ready for house party! Don't worry, an update will come soon!