Christmasification

An important fact to know about me is that I will shop for just about anything (you have never seen a human so intense about shopping for tweezers) and especially when I'm feeling depressed, lonely, awkward, excited, bored, the list goes on.... Another point is that I work for a ridiculously large, widely known department store (yay monopolization!!) So today, on my weekly visit to the store to check out some of my product- I decide that I need to take a well-deserved break to just peruse some of the store's other offerings. Yes, meandering through a maze of overpriced leather goods is just the relaxing afternoon I need.

How could it have slipped my mind that this store is perpetually the LEAST RELAXING PLACE ON EARTH?? It's like Disneyland on crack, and without the endearing reminder of childhood bliss. Nevertheless, I squeeze past the MAC counter- the smell of cologne hitting me like a wall (btw- Daddy Yankee is apparently also a perfumier....? Mother of God) and weave through the man-purse wearing Euro tourists onto the escalator. Safe. I realize on about the 3th floor that I am past the point of no return. These tourists are absolutely insane!! Just when I think I may try my luck on floor 5, a small child comes barreling at me SHRIEKING at the top of it's lungs. Great, spawn of the devil is ravaging the shoe department. So I continue for a few more floors- luggage. YES. No child will shop for luggage!

Doo do doooo. Rolly luggage, hard luggage, briefcases, and what's this....? Where the hell am I??? Welcome to Holiday Lane you say.....!? WTF? This is a trap! No, seriously- swear to God- I was lost in this place for at least an hour. The carpet is red, the walls are red, the tablecloths are red, the workers wear red. Was that Vitamin C that I took earlier or Vicodin???? Do you know that they make Christmas ornaments for every character from the Candyland game? Crazy Christmas frog ornaments with ice skates. There was an entire tree dedicated to African American ballerinas! Oh what fun- my mom would absolutely adore an ornament shaped like a pregnant sheep with wooly mittens on it's feet! And at $68, how could I go wrong? WHO BUYS THIS SHIT!!!?

Oh, I miss my desk with my ramen noodle lunch and my neverending inflow of emails. Guess this break really worked out for me. At least now I believe that I actually love being at work!